Love & Friendship
4. Amor and Dilectio, the Love of Wishing Well and the Love of Wanting
https://berquistcourse.com/course/philosophy/6-love-friendship/004-amor-and-dilectio-the-love-of-wishing-well-and-the-love-of/

[0:00] So you have to do a lot of, you know, care here in looking at these words, huh? Thomas says, "I answer that it should be said that four names are found in some way pertaining to the same." You should promise to translate these, right? Because they have they said more names in Latin and in Greek for that matter. You've probably seen that book of C. S. Lewis, right?

[0:30] The Four Loves, right? Because you're looking at the four Greek names for love, right? Okay, but let's look at the Latin words. he has here To wit, amor, right?"Huh which in Greek would be eros, the what love or sense love, dilectio, right? Which I etymologically find a translation, chosen love, right? Now, so you could say that Hamlet has for Horatio what dilectio, right? Huh? I think this is a fun choice.

[1:03] Charity, which in Greek would be what agape, right? Okay. And friendship, which in Greek would be what philia, right? Okay. And notice, notice how the word for the love of wisdom there, same root there is in philia, friendship, right? Philia. Okay. And so you wouldn't speak of eros in the philosophy so much, but philia, right?

[1:33] They differ however, in this that friendship, according to the philosopher in the eighth book of Nicomachean Ethics, the eighth and the ninth books are devoted to friendship, is as a what habit, right? Okay. And part of the reason why Aristotle, if you read the text there in the eighth book, part of the reason why he says that friendship is a habit is because you have to love your friend for his own sake, right?

[2:02] If you just love your friend for your own good, you just have the love of wanting, you know. Um, that's not really friendship, right? In the full sense. I have to be willing good to you in an unselfish way. I want good things to happen to you. I want to do good things for you. Apart from me, I get out of this, you know. But you can't do that by your emotions, because your emotions, as I said, are limited to what is agreeable to your senses, and that's my good, that's not your good.

[2:35] And so you need a habit to overcome that what selflessness. You have to be habituated, right? Is that? not? And you know, as a parent, you know, you kind of spontaneously do these things, right? You know, if the child gets a box of candy from August so-and-so for his birthday, you know, and starting to chunk those things, say, gee, can, I have one of those. And maybe they say usually, they'll offer one, right?

[3:06] You see, you know. And if he gets some candy, I'll offer him one, you know. And so he's kind of being habituated to what think of others, right? Huh? Because obviously he's not going to enjoy the piece he gives to you.

[3:22] But or let another you know kid play with your toy or something he wants to play with, right? But you know, you could play that tomorrow. Don't you like that? So and so plays a little bit now. You know, so he's being habituated to kind of what. Have concern for others, and therefore you're getting a what? A love that is kind of unselfish, right? That's necessary for true friendship.

[3:49] But here's another reason for it too. That is a connection between a habit and what choice? huh? Notice how we speak of it, right? In the strict sense, a friend in the full sense is somebody you choose, right? We choose our friends. But it's emotional thing. People, especially, fall in love, right? As if they didn't choose this, right? Okay. And sometimes, you know, like the characters we saw here, it's almost against their will, right?

[4:21] Which by good quality, she said, you first to suffer love? You know, he picks up on the word "suffer love," right? Because it's against his will that he loves this woman, right? You see. But Hamlet has chosen Horatio. Okay. And when Aristotle is contrasting the sophist with the philosopher, right, in the metaphysics there, he says that the philosopher and the sophist differ by their choice of life, right.

[4:51] And if he gave the sophist a choice, you can either be wise, but not appear wise to the world, or you can appear to be wise to the world, but not be wise. Which did you choose? The sophist would choose to appear wise rather than be wise. But the philosopher would choose to be wise rather than appear wise. So they differ by their choice of life.

[5:21] So the sophist, the lover of wisdom, right? He's chosen wisdom, right? And in philia or friendship in the strict sense, you are what choosing your friend like Hamlet has chosen what Horatio. Okay. Amor, however, and lectio signify more the what act itself, right, or the undergoing.

[5:54] Charity, however, can be taken either way—to name the act, right, or to name the habitual disposition, right. Act, however, is differently signified by these three. For amor, love, is more general among them, right? For every dilectio or charity is a love, but not the reverse.

[6:23] For dilectio adds above love a choice preceding, as its name sounds, right? Hence, dilectio is not in the concupiscible, which is one of the two powers of emotions, right? Concubiscible and irascible, but it's in the will only, right? And it is only in a reasonable nature, so it can be found in what man, or in the angels, or in what God, right?

[6:56] Charity, however, adds above love a certain perfection of love, in so far as that which is loved is estimated to be of great worth, as the name itself indicates. Charity I suppose, right But dear, huh Okay, Carus, huh Is that Latin dear, huh Caritas. okay. Now, notice the main distinction we're interested in here, though, is the difference between what sense love and what dilectio, right, huh? Okay.

[7:28] And sense love is the love falling upon sensing or imagining, right? And chosen love is the love following upon reason, right? So we have sense love to some extent in common with the dog or the cat, right? And we have the love of the will in common with what the angels and what God, right? Huh? So we have these two, right? Huh? When C. S. Lewis, you know, was trying to speak about the love of the angels, he calls our love ferocious.

[8:04] He's talking about the intensity of our love, right? Because the whole angel goes and he loves something, right? And that's why the fall was so dramatic, you know, Satan, right? Right, turns away, huh? But you and I, we've got the flesh and the spirit, right? And these two loves, and they're often contrary, pulling contrary directions, right? So we don't be as good or as bad as we could be.

[8:27] C. S. Lewis just saying, you know, don't try to be as bad as a devil you just—you can't be as bad as he is. You can be bad, but you can't be as bad as he is. But at the same time, it's very hard to be as good as an angel,

[8:43] too, right? And the second difference is that the emotions are something what bodily, right? And there's a bodily change in the emotion, huh? That's especially clear in in concupiscence, huh? And and anger, right? Fear, you know, strong ones, right? You're aware of the bodily change they're going on. I remember holding a cat in my hands, you know, and the dog. You can feel the cat's it up being afraid, right?

[9:18] You see? And Christ, if you're scared, you're thump, thump, thump, thump, you're aware of the bodily change. But the act of the will is what immaterial, just as the reason is immaterial, huh?

[9:34] And of course, the act of the will, you can will things that are immaterial by that too, like the love of wisdom or or love of God, right? You can also will material things by the will, right? But by the emotions directly, you can will these what sensible bodily things, huh? There's a lot of differences between these two what kinds of love, right? One falls upon reason, the other upon sense, huh?

[10:01] One is a involving bodily change, the other is bodyless, huh? One is only for material things, as such, right? And the other can be for what immaterial things. And one we share with the beasts, other we have a little better, and the other we share with the angels and God Himself, right? So there's four differences there that I've touched upon, right, between the two, huh? Okay.

[10:38] Now you can give other distinctions besides. what Thomas says here, because when you take up friendship, when I teach the love and friendship course, I always do this treatise on love first, right? Before we do the Aristotle's treatise on friendship, and part of the reason is that there can be love without friendship, but there can't be what friendship without love, huh? Friendship involves what mutual love to begin with, right?

[11:09] Okay. So I can love things that can't love me in return, right? I can love candy or love wisdom, right? I can even love a person who may not love me in return, right?

[11:23] But friendship involves what that the love be mutual, right? So you have to understand love before you can understand what friendship, right? And when Aristotle distinguishes the three main kinds of friendship among equals, huh? only one of which is really friendship in the full sense. The you have the friendship of usefulness and the friendship of pleasure, and then you have the friendship based on virtue. And you have different kinds of love, right?

[11:55] You have more the love of wanting, and we talked about later on here in the next meeting. In the love of usefulness, right? I don't love you for your own sake, but I love you because you're useful to me. Or in the love of friendship of pleasure, I love you because you please me, right? But then in the love of friendship in the highest sense and virtue, I love you for what you are in yourself, right?

[12:19] Because you're a good man, right? But I'm getting a little ahead of myself there, okay? But that's another way of distinguishing your, this is friendship, right? If you take the the lovingness in friendship, right, it must be a mutual love, right? Aristotle adds it's got to be known too, knowing that we love each other, right? But that we know that we are this way towards each other, okay?

[12:52] And charity Thomas takes up charity. He one of the famous articles is that charity is a what a friendship, right? Now it's a supernatural friendship, but it is a f a kind of friendship, right? And

[13:10] it's beautiful. It's beautiful to see the objections against charity being friendship, right? It's beautiful because if you know Aristotle's treatise on friendship, you can see how the objections, you know, are coming from, right? And the way Thomas answers them is really, really, very, very interesting. Besides, at the end of the book on friendship, I give him that article Thomas on charity with the charity's friendship, but I just give the objections on one page, you know, and keep the other page reserved for the objections, you know.

[13:40] I can answer these, huh? You know, Thomas says, you know, he answers objections. He doesn't leave open the cistern, as he says. Okay. Now, as far as that first text from Dionysius, right? huh? Where he's identifying Amor and Dilexio, right? Well, then he's using amor in that broad sense. So even sometimes we translate these texts in St. Paul by love, right? Because charity has become somewhat degraded in meaning, right?

[14:19] And charity doesn't mean so much the love anymore. As you know, works of charity, you know, I think all Catholic charities, whatever they call. I mean, you're talking about about the works of mercy, whatever it is, right? But so it doesn't seem to name so much as it did, right? There's a, there's a Greek word, agape, there, right? Name the very love or friendship that is the virtue, huh?

[14:43] okay. So the first, it should be said, the Dionysius speaks of love and chosen love as they are in the reasonable ability to desire. That means the will, right? Okay. I know, so I'm translating that. The Latin was the appetitus for ability to desire, right? And then rationalis or something like that, the reasonable, right, the ability. I mean, that's the way of referring to the will. For thus love is the same as chosen love, right?

[15:12] Okay. So sometimes love is what taken more generally, right? Or it can be said that the love is an emotion and the love that is the chosen love, and sometimes is taken just for the what emotional.

[15:27] We tend to name the emotion first, right? Okay. That's the way Dionysius is understanding at that point. The second objection was in terms of the commonness here. let's look at it again here. They had the same object. To the second, it should be said that the object of love is more common than the object of chosen love, because love, the name right, can extend to more than chosen love, huh?

[16:03] Okay. So if you go out on Main Street here and you ask people about love, they'll be thinking of the love which is an emotion, right? And probably of eros, right? Huh? One of the annoying things about teaching a love and friendship course, huh? Is that the book publishers will come through, right? They go through all the catalogs, right? They say, okay, there's a course here in this college called Love and friendship, you know.

[16:27] A guy named Berquist is teaching it, right? Okay, well we'll send him our books on sex. now, I'll say, that's kind of embarrassing because you've got this. I feel like, you know, running into this and saying, you know, just stop sending me your text, your pornography under the guise of textbooks, you know, because they're really vulgar things. And I'm always embarrassed. The secretary sees kind of, you know, junk coming in.

[16:46] And, but that's where their minds are, right? You see, you know. Um, uh, they're kind of tied to that, right? Huh? But sometimes you use the word love in a broader sense, right? I'm a lover of wisdom, right? That's not erotic love. I don't think it's not an emotion, right? You see, so we will use the word love also in that broader sense, right? So you have to be, you know, I can say I love candy, right?

[17:14] Right? I love, I love Shakespeare. I love Mozart, right? You see, I love the beautiful. So I mean, the word love can be used in a broad sense, or it can be used just for what, in a particular sense, for an emotion, and maybe even for eros, and you know, even that very, very particular sense, huh?

[17:34] Ah, Plato, Plato in in the, when he's talking about love during the Symposium, right? Um, he's explaining how when you speak of a lover, you mean a what, romantic lover, right? And that's example of giving the name, he says, of the whole to the part, right? And and he compares it to the Greek word poet. Poet in Greek means a maker. That's all it means. But the common name maker has been given to the poet, in particular, because he stands out among all the makers, right?

[18:11] They thought that Homer had made was the greatest thing ever made, right? So he is the maker. You know, he used to make apple pie, but he makes the Iliad, right? He makes the Odyssey, right? He's the teacher of all the Greeks, right? He's he's doing something, right?

[18:30] So that's what Thomas is saying. You apply to the second objection, right? If you take love in the broad sense, huh? It's about the good, right? If you take it in a narrow sense, it's about the good that the senses know, right?

[18:50] Now the third one, huh? Says that both electio and amor take in the good sense and the bad sense, huh? You can't distinguish them by saying amor is bad and electio is good, huh?

[19:09] To the third, it should be said that love and chosen love do not differ by the difference of good and bad, but as has been said, in the understanding part, however, love is the same as what chosen love. That's the name. And thus Augustine speaks there about love.

[19:31] A little afterwards, he adds that a rectified willing is a good love, and a perverse willing is a bad love. Because, however, the love which is a concupiscible passion inclines many to the bad; hence, they had an occasion to assign them the aforesaid difference. Okay. And

[19:54] because those strong emotions, like like the sexual desire or anger and so on, they generally lead men astray, right? And even fury, might say, usually leads men astray on the time of battle, right? Okay. So often those emotions have taken a connotation of something bad, but they don't necessarily have to be that. Just like self-love usually has the connotation of bad, right? He loves himself. Now, at least that, has a bad sense, right?

[20:23] He's saying somebody's a little bit selfish or something, right? Or thinks too much of himself and he says he loves himself, huh? Okay. But strictly speaking, self-love can be good or bad depending upon how you love yourself, right? Okay. God loves himself. Right

[20:45] Now the fourth thing here is going back to the what the sed contra, right? Okay. Where Dionysius says in the fourth chapter about the divine names that to some of the saints the name amor eros, right, seems more divine than the name dilectio right? Well, if you read Saint John the Cross, right, Saint John of the Cross is writing in the way in which the song of songs is written, right, canticle canticles, huh?

[21:14] Okay. So the intensity of the love, right, being brought out, huh? Let's see what he says. Think part of that. To the fourth, it should be said that therefore some maintain that even the will, the name of love amor, to be more divine than the name of chosen love, because love amor implies a certain what passion, right? Especially as it is in the sensible ability to desire, while chosen love presupposes the judgment of reason.

[21:48] He doesn't expand upon as much as in this another place, and he talks about the same text, right? But it's the idea that you are what a being moved by God, right? You can see it very clearly in in the case of Saint Teresa of Avila and Saint Teresa de Jesus, right, where they're receiving an increase, a great increase in the love of God under the likeness of being wounded, right, even physically, right.

[22:15] It's very much a passio, suffering, right? You see, as you go back those texts that we read earlier, right, the ones that we had from Teresa of Avila and Saint Teresa de Jesus. Um, so you're you're getting a great increase of love, but it's like you're being wounded by God, loving him more than you did or like when Francis receives the stigmata and so on, right, or padre pio and so on, okay.

[22:41] And they're so God is more responsible for that piece of love than they are themselves, right? And it's a great a great privilege and so on. Okay, I'm gonna get a little break now before we go on to the next article here, which is another.

[23:04] Okay, so the fourth and last article in this first question on the nature and kinds of love is whether love is suitably divided into the love of friendship and the love of wanting. Now you see in Latin these two kinds of love were named the amor amicitiae and the amor what concupiscentiae, right? Okay. And Thomas, you know, will use the words that are commonly being used, but people could misunderstand which means the love of friendship, right?

[23:36] You don't mean friendship, the love of friendship, but the kind of love you should have in true friendship, which is the love of wishing well. To your friend, right? So it might be more precise to call it the love of wishing well and the love of what, wanting, right? Okay.

[23:56] So it has moved forward to the fourth. Thus, it seems that love is not suitably divided into the love of friendship and the love of wanting. For love is a passion, but friendship is a habit, as the philosopher says in the eighth book of the ethics. Actually, in the eighth book of the ethics, Aristotle distinguishes between the act of friendship and the habit of friendship. Right. It's already you know the certain context here, but but as Thomas will point out, we're not talking about the love of friendship being what friendship itself, the habit, but we mean the kind of love you should have, right?

[24:36] If you're truly a friend, okay. Where you wish well to your friend, and your friend is not just the good you want for yourself.

[24:46] But habit cannot be a part dividing passion. Therefore, love is not suitably divided by the love of wanting the love of friendship. It's kind of misunderstanding what the love of friendship means, right? Okay, it's the kind of love that should be in true friendship, not the love which is friendship, at least not the habit. Further, nothing is divided by that which is numbered with it, for man is not numbered with animal.

[25:14] But wanting is numbered with love as another passion from love, right? We spoke about desire as being different from love, right? Therefore, love cannot be divided by wanting.

[25:29] Moreover, according to the philosopher in the eighth book of the ethics, friendship is threefold: the useful, the pleasant, and the honorable, right? Virtuous, but the useful and pleasant friendships have wanting, huh? They have the love of wanting. In the useful and pleasant friendships, I like you because you're useful to me, or because you please me. So I'm not really reaching out to you so much as to myself, right?

[26:06] But Aristotle will say that those are not friendships in the full sense, huh? And if you go to Cicero, only that third kind of friendship, the one based on virtue, is worthy of the name friendship, right? Aristotle will say that's the only friendship in the full sense. But we do call these other people friends, so you know he wants to use the word in in those three senses, right?

[26:30] Okay. But against all this, some things we are said to love because we want them, just as someone is said to love wine, huh? On account of the sweetness which he wants in it, as is said in the second book of the Topics. Apparently, there wasn't a lot of candy around those days. So if you had a sweet tooth, you had to get sweet wine, huh?

[26:56] So Thomas, you know, often uses an example. He's talking about someone getting drunk, not because he wants to get drunk, but because he wants the sweetness of the wine, right? But he keeps on getting high as he pursues that sweet tooth.

[27:12] But to wine and other things of the sort, we do not have friendship, as is said in the eighth book of the Ethics. Therefore, the love of wanting ought not to be divided against the love of friendship. Now, the way Thomas begins here is really marvelous, and it's a very important thing to see. I answered that it should be said as the philosopher. That's Aristotle again. Thomas is the most what humble student of Aristotle, right?

[27:40] As the philosopher says in the second book of the Rhetoric, that to love is to wish good to someone. Hence, the movement of love tends thus to two things, to two objects: to the good which someone wishes to someone, either himself or another, right?

[28:06] And to the one to whom he wishes the good. To that good, therefore, which someone wishes to another, is had the love of what wanting. But to the one to whom one wishes the good, is had the love of friendship. Now, the point I always make to students is this: huh?

[28:33] For the for wine, right? Or candy, one can only have the love of wanting. Okay. For oneself, me you have only the love of what wishing well.

[28:53] But now the ambiguity comes in another person, right? What kind of love do you have for them? It could be the love of wanting, or it could be the love of wishing well, right? So I take those three, right? I take the candy or something like that, or the wine, something like that. For which you have only the love of wanting. For yourself, you have only the love of wishing well.

[29:21] But for another person, you can have either the love of wanting, or the love of what wishing well. And you're sometimes not aware exactly what this love that you have, huh? Okay.

[29:37] And you might have, you know, when say Saint Bernard of Clairvaux, the little treatise on the love of God, right? Have you ever seen that? Or it distinguishes four love or four stages rather, in man. The first stage, man doesn't love God at all, right? But he loves himself, right? Second stage, he runs into difficulties in life and things and so on. So he turns to God, right, for help.

[30:04] And now he has the love of what? Wanting for God, right? Huh? Okay. He needs God, right? Huh? Okay. And sometimes they call that love of wanting a need love, right? Okay. I need the wine. I need the candy. Okay. And then, in turning towards God in prayer, wanting God to do things for you, right? You get somewhat acquainted with God. And then you begin to see that God is lovable apart from what He does for you, right? And now you move to the third stage where you begin to what start loving God for His own sake, right?

[30:50] And then He says the fourth stage is when you start loving yourself for the sake of God. He says that's hard to ever realize in this life, right? Perfectly in the next life, huh? But notice that you're passing from the love of wanting there, right? To the love of what wishing well, right? Okay. You're seeking God's glory now, see. Um, now, Will St. Thomas at so at some point not in what we're going to be covering, but does he at some point take up those divisions of Saint Bernard and his into his own work?

[31:25] As those four divisions, does he employ those in this? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He'll take up you know a lot of things from Bernard, you know, like Bernard's the various stages of of humility and so on. You know, he takes them, yeah, yeah. I don't know if he takes up that you know formally, but he'll talk about those two kinds of love for God, right? See, now what do I have for another person?

[31:46] You see, and I often take the example of the students in class, romantic love, right? And what kind of love is that? See, and I think if they're honest with them when they think about it, right, they realize that they have the level of wanting, huh? You see, then when you walk into that dance and you see a beautiful girl over there, right, she's the good you want for yourself.

[32:10] You're not thinking I'm good for her at the office, you know. No, you're thinking that she's good for you, right? And you're not thinking at all that you're good for her, right? So you have only the love of wanting for her, right? And sometimes I suppose you know, if a girl is very beautiful, but all she experiences is that men have this love of wanting for her, right?

[32:38] She's looking for something you know better than that, huh? See, and all she's getting the love of wanting, right? They're all approaching her as the good they want for themselves, but not really wishing well to her, though. You see. So I mean, it's very concrete there, right? Huh? What kind of love do you have of another person, right? It could be either one, right? And this love of wanting maybe isn't enough, right?

[33:09] Maybe it starts her in some cases, and even with a cat maybe, and it can go on to the other kind of love, huh?

[33:17] Yeah. Can it be in some cases that both aspects would come together the same time? Wait, you could have both, yeah. Yeah, there's still two different kinds of love, see. But it's kind of a commonplace, you know, when the mother, for some reason, is away for a week or two, you know, and some men are pretty helpless when the wife is away, and the kids are pretty helpless, you know, and they're.

[33:43] They're not eating right, and they're not getting things washed, and so on. You know, and but but you said you hear the mother complain that when she comes back, you know, they've missed all the things that she does for them, right? You know, and that they, you know, only have the love of wanting. They're not in that formal terms, but I mean, in a sense, they're feeling right that she's not doing all these things that she usually does for them, right?

[34:10] So this is not ready, and that's not ready, and nobody made the lunch, nobody fixed nice dinner, nobody did this, nobody did that, right? Um, but but the mother kind of is a little bit offended by that, right? Okay, and my mother always tells a little interesting story too. I guess one time she's just given I don't know two or three of us, you know, little very little, a bath in the bathtub, right?

[34:34] Huh? You know, sometimes kids come out and questioning out of the blue that they get a 20-month. And apparently one of us asked her, you know, "Mommy, what would happen to us if something happened to you? " say, You know, And of course, her first you know reaction was to assure us, you know, "Well, well, Aunt Margaret and Aunt Helen would come and take care of you.

[34:54] " Oh, oh, okay, okay. You almost felt a little let down, you know, you know that they would, you know, be so relieved the idea that Aunt Margaret and Aunt Helen, you know, as her sisters, would, would come and take care of you, you know, and you'd be you'd be quite quickly her as a mother's reaction, first reaction was to assure us, you know, that we would be taken care of, right?

[35:16] If something happened to her, you know, she must have any. But then she has to find a little singing, you know, when when the kid was so completely relieved by the knowledge of that, you know what I mean? So sometimes, you know, even our own mothers, right? You know, we have this love of wanting if you're you know.

[35:40] And. Love is very much that, usually. So you see the distinction there, right? When I say I love you, do I mean that I wish well to you, right? Or do I mean that you're the good I want for myself.

[36:06] You see, enormous difference, isn't it, huh? Whether you're talking about God or talking about any other person, for that matter. Okay. Now, he says this division is according to before and after. What does that mean? It means these are not love equally, right, huh? Okay.

[36:30] For that which is loved by the love of friendship, by the love of wishing well, is simply without qualification and through itself loved, huh? Okay.

[36:44] But what is love by the love of wanting is not simply and by itself loved, but is loved for what? Another, right? So if the rich girl is being pursued by the man, right? And she said, "Do you love me, or do you love my money? "

[37:03] And so, in a fit of honesty, he says, "Well, to tell you the truth, I love you for your money. " But then she'd probably say, You don't love me, right? "

[37:14] Because that's not the love of friendship, right? See? So simply and without qualification, she'd say, "You don't love me, right? " Okay. But what is love by the love of wanting is not simply and by itself loved, but is loved for another. And he makes the distinction here that we have in we talk about being. For just as being simply is what is existence, and being in some respect what is in another, that's distinction in philosophy between the substance and the accident, right?

[37:49] So when I was generated, I came to be. Period. When I walked into this room, I came to be in this room. I didn't come to be, right? And when I die, I will cease to be. When I walk out of this room, I won't cease to be. I don't think anyway. But I will cease to be in this room. This is the kind of distinction between simply and but.

[38:21] in some limited way, right? Okay, a very important kind of distinction, and corresponds to the second kind of mistake outside of speech, mistake of mixing up, right? What is so simply, and what is so, in some limited, qualified sense? Okay,

[38:40] a very interesting mistake that we make. So, also, the good which is convertible with being is simply what has goodness. But what is the good of another is good only in a limited sense, and consequently, the love by which is love something so that good might be for it is to love simply. But the love by which something is loved that it might be the good of another is love in some respect.

[39:06] Okay, so if I love the girl because she pleases me, right? I don't wish well to her. do I really love her? Only in a very qualified sense, right? Okay, Assuming that I love the wine, I love the candy, right? Okay, they please me. You please me, therefore.

[39:34] I remember a girl one time one of my courses there. You know, some people they actually reflect on what you say, you know, and what kind of love that you have, and you know, other things. But she was reflecting on her parents had apparently a rather stable marriage, right? I mean, marriage didn't last. a lot of marriages don't last these days, and this marriage had lasted, you know.

[39:56] And she says they really did wish well to each other. She, she could see that, right? And and that's why they stayed what together, huh? She kind of saw it. It's kind of good that she saw that, you know, and saw in a case that you know she must been reflecting upon the love of her parents and realized that they had the the love of wishing well, right?

[40:15] But some people go into marriage having only the love of wanting for each other, huh? And when the girl's beauty is somewhat lost, there's another more beautiful one comes along, or something like that, right? You see, well, there's a more attractive one comes along, than I want her, right? You know, goodbye. You see, and. uh um. The woman is a gold digger or something, right? You know, you know.

[40:44] More wealthy comes along, right? It's more of an offer, right? You see. So if you get married with only the love of wanting, you see, that's not enough, is it? And the same way, you know, in approaching God, if you're just the love of wanting of God, you don't have charity, huh? Charity is a love of wishing well, right? Okay. It's not wanting, huh? Even that comes first for us, right?

[41:15] That comes up sometimes when you talk about the order of generation. You know that's in Augustine, and, others talk about that faith is generated first and then hope, and then charity, and that comes up in the verbum there, in the proemium. So by believing we might come to hope, and by hoping we might come to love. And people say, well, how can hope be before love? Because hope is what involves desire, and therefore presupposes some love, doesn't it?

[41:45] Well, that love you have of God before you have charity would be more a love of what? Wanting, right? Okay. And that might that would come first, right? Because it's more perfect love, where you wish God's honor and glory, right? Okay.

[42:11] Hallowed be thy name, right? The first, first command, our first petition, there, right? And then thy kingdom come to us, but thy kingdom too.

[42:28] Okay. So that's a very interesting distinction, huh? And most people don't make it very clearly, huh? As I say, in other words it says it's probably the first objection because people misunderstand what you mean by the love of friendship, huh? To the first, therefore, it should be said that love is not divided by friendship and wanting, but by the love of friendship and of wanting. So what does it mean?

[42:57] For the one to whom we wish some good is properly called a friend, huh? But what we wish for ourselves is said to what? Want, right? Okay.

[43:10] And through this, he says, is clear the solution to the second. The second one is taking the love of wanting as being the same thing as wanting, right? Okay. But the kind of what I can be said to like candy, right? Huh? That's the kind of love, isn't it? Okay. But candy is the good I want for myself. Okay. Okay. Not wishing well to the candy, because I'm going to chew it and destroy it.

[43:44] You know. So I mean, there's a c possibility of misunderstanding in those first two objections, right? Huh? Okay. Though the one love is named from friendship, the other from wanting. You don't mean friendship and wanting, right? It's kind of funny the word "of" that's used sometimes. When I say the city of Worcester, what do I mean? The city that belongs to Worcester, or something? No, I mean the city that is Worcester, right?

[44:21] Yeah. So sometimes we use that word "of" in that way, don't we? Okay. Speak the name of Christ, right? The name that is Christ, right? Okay. Um, but the city of Worcester is a bad example. So when you say the love of friendship, the love of wanting, you don't mean the love that is friendship, the love that is wanting, right? But you're naming them, right? Because in true friendship or perfect friendship, right, the love you should have for someone else is the love of wishing well, right?

[44:56] So it might be better name the love of wishing well, but this is already consecrated in the language, right? And the love of wanting is not the wanting itself, right? But the liking of the good that you will want for yourself if you don't have it, right? So I can be said to to love candy, and that's not the same as my wanting candy. My wanting candy arises when I don't have any candy.

[45:24] Okay. Yes, sir. But you're naming the the liking of candy. The love of wanting, right? Not the love is the wanting. Okay. So there's two objections. Do you follow that? Those two objections are they're based on, that okay. Now the third objection is a little bit different in saying, "Hey, You speak of the love of friendship, but there's love, there's three kinds of friendship, right? Okay. "

[45:57] He says, "To the third, it ought to be said that in the friendship of the useful and the pleasant, one does wish some good to the friend, right? Okay. Now, what I'm thinking of, you know, sometimes I know some students write they write a paper on this, they'll they'll sometimes go and say about the love of, of uh the friendship useful, is, not really friendship, you know.

[46:19] But, um, I've known like say, plumbers and carpenters, right? You know, you get a plumber comes out to do something in your house, let's say, right? And while he's there, you talk about how some carpenter you need done, right? And you might recommend this carpenter to you, right? And his friend, the carpenter, right, is doing some carpentry for somebody, and they've got a plumbing problem, and he recommends this plumber, right?

[46:46] Okay. And you find this maybe with doctors, you know, huh? You know, your specialty in one thing, and so I meet somebody who has a ailment that's not my specialty. Well, I'll send to you because that's your specialty, right? And you have someone who has an ailment that is out of your line, so to speak, but it's my specialty, right? So you send them over毛病 to me, right?

[47:05] So we really wish, in sense, to be useful to each other, don't we? Right? Or you and I, we both, you know, work in the stock market or something, right? And I pass you on a hot tip, you know, and you, you know, a few weeks later, you know, you give me a little good clue to something that I should put money in, right? So we what?

[47:26] In some sense, we wish a little good to each other, right? Okay. Well, basically, it seems to the love of wanting, right? But there's some something in the sense. To the third, it ought to be said that in the friendship of the useful and the pleasant, one does wish some good to the friend, and in this regard, the definition of friendship is kept there, right? But since that good is brought back further to one's own pleasure or useful utility, right?

[47:54] Hence, it is that the friendship of the useful and the pleasant, in so far as it is drawn to the love of wanting, falls short of the definition of what true friendship. Okay. And that's what, my sister doesn't even call it friendship at all, right? But we do often, you know, refer to people that we have those relations with as friends, right? So Aristotle is willing to use the word friend in an extended sense, but he he recognizes that the only the friendship based on virtues friendship in the true sense, right?

[48:27] This helps you to evaluate those two kinds of friendship, right? But also shows why it's good to take up the treatise on friendship on love of Thomas here before you look at Aristotle's treatise on friendship, because you can see that friendship involves love, but the kind of love in the lower kinds is more the love of wanting. And in the highest kind is the love of wishing well, which is the love of friendship in the full sense, right?

[48:53] The kind of love that you'd call, you know, friendship, strictly speaking. Okay. Now, you see why he takes up this distinction between the love of wishing well and the love of wanting. or maybe second among the two divisions, right? Because to some extent, you're dividing the love of the will, right? Okay.

[49:29] Because the love of the will can be either of these kinds, right? The love that is an emotion, as such, is going to be just one of these kinds, right? So it's not really like a subdivision of that, right? So if a division is to some extent a subdivision of of a member of the other division, you want to give that division to one, don't you? Right.

[49:51] Okay. But nevertheless, these two divisions are the fundamental divisions of love, huh? Of human love, right? And sometimes you know, extend love to include natural love. You know, like when you say, you know, about a plant that likes a lot of sunshine or likes a lot of water. Or I hear them in sometimes saying, you know, the broccoli or something's a big feeder. You know, likes a lot, big meal.

[50:16] You know, But I mean, it's commonly said, it likes sun or it likes, you know, water or it likes, you know. And some plants don't like the sun, and you know, do. And that's you could maybe extend it, but basically, you talk about human love. You're talking about the emotion or the act of the will, and it's very difficult sometimes to tell which it is or what proportion it might. be of these things, right?

[50:42] Huh? You see. Um. And uh. But if you, you know, if you ever teach a class of this to college kids, you know, they have a hard time distinguishing the love that is an emotion and the love that is an act of the will, huh? And and and they think of the love, you know. I usually come into class first day and say, "What is love? " And the easier answer you'll get, huh?

[51:07] It's an emotion, right? I say, "Well, so is anger, so is fear. " I usually say, "Well, there is a love that is an emotion. " I don't, you know, I don't know if they know what I mean by why I say that, right? I say, "So is angry emotion, so is fear, so is hate. "

[51:24] So that's so peculiar about this emotion. Well, that's a very special emotion, I'll say. So they have a hard time defining it, but they they think of it as an emotion right away, huh? So and I sitting there listening to the priest talking about the love of God, right? And thinking, "of loving Judy, " or something, huh? And does this mean, you know?

[51:47] They hardly have a notion of the love that is an act of the will. And so when they, you know, if they ever hear about God or they study God and and God's love for us, right, huh? You know, if it's not an emotion, it seems kind of cold or something to them, right? Cool reason that Shakespeare says, right, huh? Um. But you know, so the Old Testament, I have loved you with a perpetual love, right?

[52:15] Huh? Um eternal love. Um God's love is much more intense than our love, right? And you know, as you say, C. S. Lewis, trying to get across, you know, you know, metaphorically, speaks of the love of the angels as being ferocious, right?

[52:38] Actually, in that long one of the long historical psalms, Psalm 77, I think it is, And speaking about Israel's infidelity in the desert, so God scourgers

[52:52] them basically, some imagine. And this is and after they get this love of wanting because and then they remembered that God was their helper. And they served him with their mouth. Has he fed us before? I mean, of course, Christ, it says the crowd, but they're following him because he fed them, you know, in the thousands.

[53:23] Um. So most people, they ask them what love is. They can't bring out this basic truth that it is really the what conformity, right? Agreement of the heart. When you when you use the word heart for the emotions or for the even the will, it's the conformity of the heart, the desirability with its object, right? Its agreement with its object, and in our human love, it's a result of that object, in some sense, acting upon our heart.

[53:57] But it tends to act upon our heart either through our senses and imagination, or or through our what our reason, right? Okay. So, wisdom has acted upon my heart. It acted upon it through my reason, huh? Okay.

[54:16] But the candy or the wine acted upon my heart through my senses, huh? Okay. Now, when you get to something like, say, Shakespeare, you know, a Shakespeare appealing to your imagination, maybe primarily, but something to your reason too, right? Even Mozart is mostly appealing just to the ear, you know. Appealing to your reason to some extent, you know. But what's up front, so is that Shakespeare appeals to imagination, huh?

[54:48] And the Mozart appeals to the ear, right? But they talk about about pleasure, you know. You can kind of distinguish the pleasures that we share with the beasts, right? Pleasures of food and drink and sleep and so on. And then the pleasures we share with God and the angels, huh? Which is the pleasures of understanding, right? So on, love it. And then there's the pleasures that are, as Ausley said, too high for the animals, and too low for the angels, huh?

[55:32] That's the pleasure of hearing the music of Mozart, the pleasure of seeing some beautiful painting, right? Or the pleasure of reading Shakespeare. or Homer something like that, right?

[55:46] And you know, we can enjoy the music of Mozart or the play of Shakespeare longer than I can enjoy the wine or the steak,

[55:57] because my body is getting satiated, right? And it becomes disagreeable, right? And if I try to to enjoy understanding, you know, things, we get tired thinking about these things, right? But the pleasure of of Shakespeare or Mozart or the painting, it kind of appeals to the eyes, the senses, and to the what reason to some extent, and so it appeals to the whole man, right? And you know, one one thing we we notice, you know,

[56:33] you see that book, the literary converts, that book. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of interesting, you know, how a number of people, you know, were moved to Christianity, even, you know, by certain forms of fiction, so on. And you're mentioning that movie, right? The effect it had upon this one person that confessed his crime, yeah. And and Tolkien's had a good effect upon people, I think, and so on.

[56:59] But the reason why it tends to move us is that it kind of what appeals to the whole man, right? Rather than just to his angelic side or or to his his you know, bestial side, right? Just the the pleasures we share with the beasts, we have in a more refined way, at least if we have wine and and cook our food, right? You know, so by the pleasure of understanding, we have the inferior to the angels and God, right?

[57:29] Because you don't understand that that well, right? Then you have this one's right in the middle, right? See, but there's a kind of ambiguity there, both parts, and people sometimes get into disagreement, right? What is what is Mozart appealing to your ear or your reason? You see, Mozart, Mozart, as far as I know, it doesn't appeal to the cats we have in the house at all. They don't.

[57:53] They seem to. You know, I used to playfully say, you know, that she's enjoying Mozart there. You know, curled up in front of the thing, when I'm playing the Mozart. But you know, if I go in the kitchen there and get some sandwich meat or something, you know, and by the way, Tabitha's there, you know, you know, his son's sleeping. I'll say right there, you know, but she had the music playing and he didn't turn it out, and they don't seem to be interested, right?

[58:19] Or or paintings or anything, right? They say they don't paint themselves, you see. It's something too high about that, right? Of course, the the fact that we that we delight in the beautiful has shown that we're more than a than a beast, huh? That's kind of we first see us rising above,

[58:39] you know. It's kind of the transition, you know, from the life of the beast to the life of an angel, right? To go to the fine arts, huh?

[58:55] Even church, I mean, yeah, church, church should be, the liturgy should be something beautiful, huh? The architecture of the church and so on, huh?

[59:13] So, do you know any division of love more basic human love than these two divisions that Thomas has given here? And people understood that, huh? When they come to talk about a particular thing, right? You know, I remember a comic strip years ago, huh? The the was it the girl saying to the guy that she's in love with somebody? He said, "That's a pretty big word. Do you know what it means?

[59:40] " It wasn't bad for a comic strip, you know. This is really fifty years ago, and but I say, you know, if a young man said, "I love this woman," you know, he said, "Well, you know." The real question is, you know, do you really wish well this woman, or she just the good you want for yourself? I mean, the you know, that's be the crucial thing there, right?

[1:00:03] And if, as I can say, this one student who saw that their parents really did wish well to each other, right, and that had given a stability to their marriage that a lot of marriages lack, right.

[1:00:20] But again, you know, I I say to them, you know, when you get married, you know, the priest doesn't say, "Do you have a wonderful feeling about so and so?" I say, I say, presumably you do, but he doesn't ask you, you know. He's asking you really to what to choose, right? You know, are you choosing this person, right? You're getting married by. Choice. It should be by choice, right?

[1:00:45] It's not emotion that marries you, right? So these are the fundamental things, but then if you go to talk about God, like I was mentioning in in Bernard of Clairvaux, that's kind of the fundamental distinction, right? But some people are so confused about God that they they don't know whether they

[1:01:08] that this love they're supposed to have for God is really much more in their will than in their emotions, huh? And see, but if it's in their will, then to get this other distinction becomes relevant, right? Is God something you turn to just for your need, right? So sometimes they call it love of wanting, and that kind of they call it need love. That's another way of expressing it, right?

[1:01:36] I need you. But in that case, then you're the good if I want for myself, right? If I have only need love for you, I have only the love of wanting for you, right?

[1:01:51] Now let's that stupid song. You know, people who need other people are the most wonderful. Oh no! You hit that terrible thing. So they're talking about, you know, you know, they're talking about the love of wanting, right? No. So. Barbara Streisand.

[1:02:11] Yeah, I don't sing that. I used to annoy me this song. That's awful. Used to play in the supermarket. Transcend the couples are the need. I love you. This is need. I thought I was. People who eat people. Oh man. Hmm. It was I was gonna say

[1:02:41] people who want other people. Now this